Where would we be without The Arsenal?
Yes, I'm that sad. I crave reassurance. Maybe it was my upbringing in the circus, pining for applause as I put my head on the line night after night as a plinth for the apple that would be repeatedly shot at by a blindfolded midget in lederhosen. I believe my tangent has taken me wildly off course.
My phone offers comfort, it offers potential. It is the bringer of opportunity. Whilst I puff on my cancer-stick, I'm scrolling through tweets, I'm reading blogs, I'm looking at Vines of cats (Kitty-Kats mind you), it is a wealth of information. It is the font where I dip my head to get baptised by information and fact.
Whilst I smoked without my phone, the cigarette coldly offered a disinterested hug. What about my laptop? I sat outside, in the rain, considering the risks and thought better of ruining an expensive laptop just so I could check if someone had replied to a query on Twitter. However, like a junkie chasing crack, I would stoop low. My mother has an iPad; I could use this! I appropriated the tablet for my own nefarious needs. No longer would you be needed to search for price comparison on Cillit Bang! No more research on spa breaks! No, you shall be my sidekick on my Twitter quest!
It was a fair substitute. The format for twitter on iPad though, is slightly different to my phone and I don't like f*cking change. Like an ill-fitting jumper bought for you by a distant relative, it just wasn't right. It would have to suffice though, for my time without my pocket buddy was still long and arduous.
As I sat on the porcelain throne this morning, after reading the ingredients on the shampoo bottle for the umpteenth time, a rare and illuminating idea came to me. My week without my phone has been horrible, a spoilt 21st century child, ignorant of the current plight of the rest of the world, lamenting his missing phone whilst children all throughout the globe didn't have food. I disgusted myself. 1st world problems indeed. What if we were devoid of other amenities, other things that to other people were not necessary, but to us, they were as vital as limbs? What if we were without Arsenal?
I'm looking at it from a standalone viewpoint that we all share. Fanatical Gooner. I know it sends chills throughout your body but imagine now a life without football. I could say just without our beloved Club but if Arsenal never existed then our love for football would simply see us support another team. Never Spurs though. If we were without football, Life would be June-August permanently.
Scores of meandering fans in shopping centres, dragged by their
